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Give Every Adult a Plus-One at Your Wedding

Le 27 April 2016, 04:04 dans Humeurs 0

Two types of mail make my hands tremble like a bad actor playing the part of an unnerved person. One is anything marked with the return address of my landlord. The other is wedding invitations. “Please say ‘Jessica Gross and guest,’ please say ‘Jessica Gross and guest,’” I pray, reaching toward the envelope with my shaky claw.

Of course, it doesn’t. I’m 30 now, and have spent the majority of the past decade single. During this time, I’ve been invited to many weddings — almost always without a plus-one. The most stringent and malodorous rule I’ve heard: “No ring, no bring.” If your edict rhymes, that is a cue to pause, rephrase, and probably deregulate.

Woman Dancing in Heels

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In the name of empathy and compassion, and with a nod to current social norms, I hereby declare this tradition preposterous. At weddings and other formal occasions — office holiday parties, your garden-variety banquet — every single adult should be invited with a plus-one. Period. If you have a tight budget, invite fewer people. I'm serious: I would rather not be a fringe-level invitee if it meant every adult could bring a plus-one if she chose.

Twice last year, I interviewed Bella DePaulo, a Harvard-trained social scientist who’s spent two decades researching single life in America. She coined the phrase “singlism” to denote the stereotyping of and discrimination against people who aren't married. DePaulo describes herself as “single at heart”: “To be single at heart, I think, means that you see yourself as single. Your life may or may not include the occasional romantic relationship, and you may or may not live alone or want to live alone, but you don't aspire to live as part of a couple (married or otherwise) for the long term.”

This self-identification reflects the expansive options of a culture in which marriage is no longer mandatory. We know how radically our demographics have changed over the past half-century; we know people now structure their relationships, families, and lives in ways that used to be unimaginable. In researching her most recent book, How We Live Now: Redefining Home and Family in the 21st Century, even DePaulo was surprised by the range of ways in which people are building their homes and lives, like households shared by two single-parent families. “I think of myself as someone who is open to different ways of thinking, but it just never occurred to me that these kinds of combinations would happen,” she told me. “It’s so unbundled.” To insist that the only relationships that count at a wedding are those that mirror yours seems reactionary and narrow, and denies the multiplicity of ways in which people now love.

Yes, a wedding is about celebrating the union of two people, not about honoring the lifestyle and needs of every single guest. But I would argue that the more comfortable your guests are, the more joyful your wedding will be. Weddings are also about placing your relationship in the context of a community — that is, the community of your realfriends and family, with the attendant realities of their lives — not a social world of your own design.

To be clear, I am not “single at heart.” I would much prefer to be in a relationship, and am unconflicted about my desire to marry and have a family. But I am fortunate and extremely grateful to have a wealth of meaningful relationships in my life — people whose company at a wedding would transform the event completely. In How We Live Now, DePaulo writes, “With little cultural celebration or even recognition, friendships have emerged as the essential twenty-first-century relationship.” With a companion, whether a friend, a new partner, or a sibling, you go from standing alone — observing the dance floor as the couples slow-dance, blinking away the middle school déjà vu — to having someone to confide in, or laugh with, or dance with (since of course you’ve brought someone who also loves to dance), or take a walk with when you feel socially overloaded. And then, recharged, you can really be there, present for your friends on their momentous day.

Look, I get it. There are space constraints; couples want to minimize the number of strange faces on their special day; weddings are expensive beyond my wildest dreams. In fact, I wondered if, despite our increasingly liberal social attitudes in some respects, plus-one offerings had decreased in recent years as weddings have become more and more exorbitant. (DePaulo has a phrase for that, too: “matrimania.”)

I called Harriette Rose Katz, president and founder of Gourmet Advisory Services, who has been a wedding and event planner for decades. She says that the plus-one rule is as it has always been. “If someone is seeing someone, I mean truly, seriously seeing someone, you invite them. If they’re just going out, ‘I want a date,’ you know — well then, sorry, we can’t do it,” she said.

But crucially, Katz advises that couples who must invite single people without plus-ones put effort into crafting a singles table. If you’re thinking, “the singles table?!” please be advised that I really like the singles table. It means that at least I’m among my people, that I’m not alone, that the couple has given even a modicum of thought to my experience at their event; it also means possibility. Indeed, Katz’s suggestion is born of compassion: She told me that before she was married for the first time, she went to a wedding alone. “I was lonely, bored, miserable, saying, ‘What the heck am I doing here?’"

The truth is that, granted the option to bring a friend or casual date to a wedding, I might not take it the majority of the time. If the mood is right, if I feel confident and think it’ll be a friendly crowd, I might even prefer to attend alone and chat it up with strangers. But this is personal, and the generous bride and groom would be wise to consider the possibility that this is not the case. When you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, it can be difficult to remember or imagine what it was like not to have a partner. Rather than guessing or assuming, ask your single friends what would make them comfortable. At one of the best weddings I ever went to, my empathetic friend, the bride, asked me beforehand which table I’d prefer. I chose the one full of literary types and a couple of single men. I ended up dating one of them; the relationship, while short-lived, was very important to me. And what really meant a lot was that my friend wanted me to enjoy myself.

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“This is a serious matter. You will have a crappy time if you don’t have someone,” Katz told me. “If you love your friend enough to invite your friend to a wedding, you want your friend to have a good time.” If, on the other hand, you’re not comfortable enough with your friend to have an honest, empathetic conversation with her, you’re probably not that close. Take her off the list. Give someone else a plus-one instead.

Has Planning For The Big Day Started?

Le 22 April 2016, 04:31 dans Humeurs 0

Are Bachelor stars Ben Higgins and Lauren Bushnell ready to start planning their wedding? Ben and Lauren’s engagement became public with the March finale of their season, but the two have been engaged for a while now since the filming of that final rose ceremony took place last November. Higgins and Bushnell just spent a few days at an event at Indiana University, and they dished out some details on the big wedding topic. What did they have to share?

During the Bachelor: After the Final Rose special, Ben Higgins and Lauren Bushnell said that they would be moving in together quite soon, and that wedding planning would start shortly after that. Ben and Lauren said that they probably would not have a long engagement. However, and they said that they would probably look to get married sooner rather than later.

Until now, much of Ben and Lauren’s post-finale life has revolved around traveling, family bonding, and doing various charity events. After their Bachelor media whirlwind in New York, Higgins and Bushnell spent some time in Indiana where he is from originally. They have also spent some time in Los Angeles, California, and Portland, Oregon, where her family is from, but Denver, Colorado, is their home base now. In fact, Bushnell recently shared that she had headed back to Los Angeles specifically to pack up the rest of her things and get them moved to Denver for good.


Ben and Lauren were back in Indiana recently for a key annual fundraiser at Indiana University, where Higgins attended, and they did share some updates on their work toward planning a wedding. The Bachelor lovebirds chatted with the IU student television show What’s Up Weekly, and they were not shy about sharing that their attention will be turning to wedding planning now that they’re getting settled in Denver.

Lauren pointed out that they’ve been engaged for a while now, and she is ready to start planning for the wedding. There is no date set yet, but Bushnell reinforced the idea that they may get married before the end of the year. Ben joked about how there are bridal magazines showing up at their house now with more frequency, and she laughed and confirmed that it was true.

Will Ben and Lauren have a televised wedding? These Bachelor stars have said in the past that they are open to it, and many would bet that ABC will be interested in televising the event. While the network passed on the opportunity to air Desiree Hartsock’s wedding to Chris Siegfried, they aired all of the previous “Bachelor Nation” weddings, and did air part of Jade Roper’s wedding to Tanner Tolbert last winter. There has been buzz swirling that Ben and Lauren have already been meeting with show executives in Los Angeles to discuss potential plans, but so far, nothing confirming that to be the case has emerged.

rom the looks of Lauren’s latest tweets, she is settling in quite nicely in Denver. She is an avid Portland Trail Blazers fan, and she teased Ben via Twitter during the team’s latest game that he needed to hurry home as she had basketball and sushi on her mind and she was waiting for him to return to get started with the evening. Higgins may typically be an Indiana Pacers fan, but Bushnell has joked about converting him, and he has joked about how the efforts have succeeded.

Ben and Lauren have faced plenty of rumors about the state of their relationship over the past few months, with various tabloid reports claiming that they are on the verge of a split. Based on what Higgins and Bushnell are saying and doing these days, however, Bachelor fans are not convinced.

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Will Ben and Lauren get married by the end of the year? Bachelor fans are rooting for them and cannot wait to see what comes next for Ben Higgins and Lauren Bushnell. Up next for the franchise is JoJo Fletcher’s stint as ABC’s The Bachelorette 2016 lead, and viewers are anxious to dig into the new season when it premieres in May.

How to Avoid Being Hungover the Morning After Your Wedding

Le 20 April 2016, 05:15 dans Humeurs 0

You did it! You've been pronounced husband and wife, you've danced the night away and you have memories and photos that will last a lifetime. But then, those few minutes of newlywed bliss fade into the background as a pounding headache, nausea and exhaustion set in. This is the reality for all too many brides who end up suffering a hangover the morning after their wedding. The good news is, you don't have to be one of them. Yes, you can indulge a bit at your own wedding and still wake up for your first day as a Mrs. on cloud nine and feeling fine (and married!) by following these tips.

avoid post-wedding hangover 2

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Stay hydrated.

Try to sneak in sips of water throughout your day and make it a point to have a water bottle (or two) next to your bed for you to drink before bedtime. We totally understand not wanting to have to run to the bathroom in your wedding gown throughout the night, but staying hydrated is essential to wake up feeling fresh and ready to tackle the world as a wife.

Don't mix.

Mimosas while getting ready, champagne toasts, samples of your signature cocktails and a few beers at the after party can add up to quite headache and stomachache the next morning. While any form of alcohol consumed in larger quantities can result in feeling less than spunky upon waking, mixing a bunch of different potions is a sure fire way (for most) to stack the odds against you.


One of the biggest regrets many brides have is not eating enough at their own weddings — because after all, food and drink are the two most expensive aspects of most receptions! But beyond that, not eating = empty stomach, and empty stomach + alcohol = no good. Cocktail consumption without any food in your tummy allows the alcohol to be absorbed into the bloodstream at a much quicker rate, which can result in you feeling drunk on something a bit more than love, if you know what we mean. Eat throughout the day, and try to eat a bit before you head to bed as well to avoid an extra bad hangover.

Try to keep track.

Throughout the night you will be pulled in so many different directions; for photo ops, to the dance floor, meet and greets — it doesn't end! Chances are, you'll be putting your drink down (and losing it) tons of times throughout the night, and then refilling again. This is an easy way to loose track of just how much you've had, leading to unintended overindulgence. Try your best to keep track of your consumption throughout the night. It might not feel like you've had much at all, but those sips add up quite quickly!

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